the fish wrapper

it's been ten days.

2005-05-31T06:54:00.000-07:00

ok it's gone now. mostly. i can't read him.

my sister is coming up for a weekend visit on friday. we're taking the car out and going partying.

i've taken a ton of photos this month. like, seriously. i think i've taken 300 with prom and parties and shit and shit and shit.

um so this is familiar

2005-05-17T11:13:00.000-07:00

you know that feeling when everything is very blurry and then someone grabs you out of the fog and makes you feel all safe? butterflies and all? everything's nice, warm, soft?

wow i missed this. having a crush on a boy. it's been a while. but there's something there, i know it. i just want to be alone with him.

sunday was my mom's 49th birthday. i have pretty old parents.

time is fast. let's make it be moderato.

2005-05-04T11:18:00.000-07:00

time goes by far too fast. even when you're not doing anything.

my ears hurt. i keep getting my left earring caught on stuff.

wesley came over yesterday. well, kristen brought him over because he can't make it on his own. he's only like... six months old. so all he does is make sounds and spit up things. gross.

still trying to keep off the coffee. it's very easy when the coffee my parents make is very muchly gross.

wearing capris. i've never had a pair before. i feel funny in them.

mellow gold rocks my world

2005-05-03T10:33:00.000-07:00

things are blah. blah, blah, blah. mellow gold-esque. loser-like. everything much akin to soul suckin' jerk-y things.

i got my ears pierced. it's kinda weird feeling. i keep pulling at them because it feels like they're not supposed to be there.

remember that kid who plays guitar that i've been bitching about?

2005-04-30T23:16:00.000-07:00

yeah. so he's pretty much taken it upon himself to try and ruin weezer's "island in the sun" for me because he plays it over and over and over and over and TERRIBLY.

i almost hope someone kills him for it. he's just so jumpy and "bluegrass this" and "bluegrass that".

OI WITH THE POODLES ALREADY!

floodwatch 2005 pt. II

2005-04-29T10:37:00.000-07:00

i didn't mention that it's supposed to rain until this coming wednesday or thursday. that's like... all the rain for the entire year in a week. fuck, this sucks.

floodwatch 2005

2005-04-29T10:33:00.000-07:00

it's been raining (POURING) since wednesday. it's friday. we're in a flood, basically. there's roads that are impassible because there's just so much goddamn water.

i have photos.

vacation wasted

2005-04-23T06:25:00.000-07:00

argh. it's saturday. i've spent the entire week doing nothing. now that's a well wasted vacation.

kick out the jams motherfuckers

2005-04-16T22:53:00.000-07:00

ramblin' rose, ramblin' rose ah.

so today i wasted the hours between seven am and noon playing the sims two.
then i felt gross so i took a shower, had some yogurt, etc., fell asleep at one.
woke up at five. now, i hate taking naps. they make me feel less rested, it's worse than if i had actually stayed up all that time. now i'll just be up all night.

tomorrow's my birthday. i'll be 17.

detroit bands make me want to go crazy go nuts, they make me want to scream, they make me want to get trashed.

who's the guy from 21 jump street?

2005-04-14T06:27:00.000-07:00

not the cheat. not the cheat.

riser hell is where they take the risers and store them away for all eternity, not where they burn the stupid things.

i haven't been taking philomena many places. she's been very sad lately. i take her to school all the time but she usually stays in my camera purse. now, i only buy purses if phil can fit in them. it's a losing battle. i can't buy any cute little clutchy purses, even though i need one for prom. an orange or pink one because those are the colors that my dress is. i'll have photos for you soon.

yesterday, i played the sims 2 for the first time in five months. it was sweet. it's gonna be sweeter today. and i want to get the sims 2 university. my birthday is on sunday. i think i'll ask for that.

there's a kid in the other room right now that we all know and kind of avoid. he's learning guitar and doesn't really know how to do much, but he tries, so i suppose that effort part counts. but he's really into blues. and that's all he talks about. i used to be in his gym class. he'd talk to anyone who would listen about his fender and this new guitar he's getting. v. annoying.

once again, a bad day

2005-04-12T21:18:00.000-07:00

computers depress me. (you're probably thinking "oh wow there's a shocker something that makes sarah sad" but you're wrong, there are things that make me happy. i just can't really think of one at the moment. it's been a bad day.)

we just got ours back from being fixed and it's been completely wiped out and cleaned and now it's kinda flickery but it functions. i'm sure it likes being talked about like this. poor computer. now it's gonna hit me with a big fat SHUT YOU DOWN, BROTHA or something, cuz it doesn't like being pitied.

it's been such a long time since i've acted like myself. i fucking hate this. i used to be punchy and full of life (or of myself) and now i'm just scared because last time i got people mad at me and now it's just like having a big purple and pink spotted elephant in the room. ALL THE TIME.

this weekend is my birthday. and all i want to do is just go hang out with people that i am truly comfortable with (clayton) and get trashed because my life sucks.

quaker's meeting has begun...

2005-04-12T07:14:00.000-07:00

school's blocked all the games
basically says all we have to do
is homework.

and i can't do my chem because i don't have a periodic table and a calculator. whatever.

my throat hurts like a mofo

2005-04-07T08:22:00.000-07:00

status: runny nose. going to lunch.

too many cold meds results in entries like this.

2005-04-06T10:44:00.000-07:00

yesterday i woke up with the cold from hell. it was sixthirty. i told my dad in the smallest, toadiest voice that i couldn't go to school. i went back to bed. slept until ten. watched the telly. kids came home.

played with olivia. she has the same cold, only worse than me. she was going to stay home only her dog told her to go to school. he said "arf arf" and she went to school. remind me never to listen to dogs...

i spent the better part of yesterday afternoon looking through pictures of my brother. it's very unsettling how abruptly things can go terribly wrong.

i think i'm going to go in-state for college. i think UMO (university of maine in orono) would be just far enough away for the first year. it's about an hour's drive from here. my aunt drives down there every day for work. i think that would be cool enough. and katie, drew, hodgie, jer, and like everyone is going there so it wouldn't suck too much the first few weeks.
i think i'm going to go for journalism with a minor in photography.

there's a guy going to my house today to fix my computer. my poor, poor computer that's been down since november. that's five months of down. i can't wait.

no coffee - day two

2005-04-04T10:55:00.000-07:00

so today is the second day of me with no coffee. i hope i can make it through the day. i usually only drink coffee because of stress and it's way better than being on zoloft or anything. right now my head feels very foggy but i can focus better on things like writing and playing. with coffee, everything is half-clear in the sense that i know what is going on but i don't really understand everything fully, like i don't have any thought to what and how people feel. without, i think about things better and i think i understand better. i have a much longer attention span right now but i'm not nearly as chatty. i kinda sound like eeyore from winnie the pooh.

this weekend i saw mr. scarpone and all of his cony jazz band kids. he has a guy who plays trombone who is called gumby but he's really ryan allen something. nice solid band sound to them cony people. nice kids. i miss scarpone.

the year is almost over. i swear, just yesterday was november. yeah, whatever. i need to piece my world back together because things are just clearing up and i can't believe i've wasted so much time being selfish (well because i had to because i had to fix myself first) and stupid (because i've been really pissed) and now i am better for it all and i feel better and i've even been almost not paranoid that everyone's talking about me behind my back for a couple hours. things are definitely getting better, even though it's been a year and three-quarters since my brother died and my entire world fell apart. things are looking up. finally.

i must take my leave. love.

oh man oh man

2005-03-31T10:55:00.001-08:00

oooh sweet ass sweet! i finally have something to write on that my school's server doesn't block! YES! they did block homestar runner which makes me very sad but whatever.

so far this week things are very mellow, other than the minor dramas going around. whatever. i don't participate in that shit anymore, it doesn't really matter, "there's only pain and no connection!" thank you, jason schwartzman.

so since i have so much time on my hands... ultragrrrl totally rocks. i wish i was sarah lewittin instead of sarah me. she sounds like she has way more fun than me. i can't wait to graduate high school and get out of my parents' house and live on my own two cents and paychecks.
until then. things kind of blow.